If there is one person (or group of people), dead or alive, that people in the third world could lynch (again), who do you think would be the No. 1 candidate? Hitler? Stalin? Iddi Amin? A fair guess, perhaps. Jesus Christ (the white version)? As a non-Christian, again a viable choice. How about the WTO and its faceless board? Anthrax or any other metal band? Elmo and his goldfish Dorothy?
All good answers, but I guarantee you one person would receive more slaps, more lashes and more saliva than featured in all the nudie videos in the U.S. combined. I am referring, of course, to the inventor of the clock.
As a former instructor for immigrants in Brooklyn, I am fully aware of the cultural gap and happen to be sensitive to it whenever applicable. However, my clients/students learned very quickly that it would be in their best interests to be on time. Finally, several warnings, expulsions, and severed limbs later my students got the message.
Later, in the Middle East, people relied heavily on ’Inshallah’ (God willing), meaning that if God wanted them to be somewhere at a certain time, it would happen. Needless to say, God very often didn’t care for appointments himself, which didn’t facilitate things either.
Kathmandu was already cursed before we got here. Consider the time zones. Pretty straightforward right? Madrid is four hours ahead of EST, Paris five, Berlin six, Cairo seven, Katmandu nine and a quarter. Say what? I still don’t have the foggiest notion how people figured that out. What happened to the fifteen minutes plus, or forty-five minutes minus? Captured by the Marines? Did they lose their way and drop dead somewhere between here and Mount Everest? Nine and a quarter. Brilliant.
I still haven’t seen a person wear a watch around here. After my wife and I make an appointment for the cable guys to hook us up, they arrive a little late… roughly twenty-two hours. Isn’t it nice if you don’t have to fear any competition? People commit to your terms, and if they don’t like it, let them watch the clothes spin in the dryer for entertainment. A monopoly is a wonderful thing. But don’t take my word for it. Ask Bill Gates. And yet, I guarantee you Gates and his cronies not only can tell time (in a couple dozen different languages, one for each time zone) but have found more ways to digitally manipulate it than anyone in the universe.
So people don’t have watches. No digital clocks either. No surprise there. Who wants to keep resetting their clocks after a blackout? What are people going to do to locate the one person in Katmandu who has a watch? Purchase airtime?
A Nepali here explained time to me like this: if you say three o’clock, then some people might show up at three-thirty, others at four. No harm, no foul. If people choose to be fashionably late, then they will show up, oh, the next day. Little wonder then, that the government here has the life expectancy of a bleeding seal swimming in a shark tank. What would the war counsel sound like?
Defense Minister: Our scouts have spotted the enemy crossing our borders. We must strike at once.
Prime Minister: Let’s discuss this in detail. Meeting adjourned. We shall convene at seven o’clock this evening.
Seven o’clock. The conference room is empty. The first cabinet members show up at four o’clock the next afternoon, followed by the PM, who finally appears at eight.
Prime Minister: Let’s hear it.
Defense Minister: Our troops have withdrawn to the capital. They are now defending the municipality.
Prime Minister: Yes, I see it’s serious. What to do?
Defense Minister: Buy a clock. Our very existence depends on punctuality from now on.
Prime Minister (to the head guard, pointing at the Defense Minister): Arrest this man for treason.
The Prime Minister of course won’t have to worry, since the invading troops are late themselves, assisted by late horses. Of course, the sun will rise and set late, and the Defense Minister will eventually be acquitted, since the judge and jury show up late for the trial. There will be no change of government, as people all show up late at the polls, and change will remain a mirage.
But there is hope! I just witnessed a watch sighting! Now the question is, does it work?
All good answers, but I guarantee you one person would receive more slaps, more lashes and more saliva than featured in all the nudie videos in the U.S. combined. I am referring, of course, to the inventor of the clock.
As a former instructor for immigrants in Brooklyn, I am fully aware of the cultural gap and happen to be sensitive to it whenever applicable. However, my clients/students learned very quickly that it would be in their best interests to be on time. Finally, several warnings, expulsions, and severed limbs later my students got the message.
Later, in the Middle East, people relied heavily on ’Inshallah’ (God willing), meaning that if God wanted them to be somewhere at a certain time, it would happen. Needless to say, God very often didn’t care for appointments himself, which didn’t facilitate things either.
Kathmandu was already cursed before we got here. Consider the time zones. Pretty straightforward right? Madrid is four hours ahead of EST, Paris five, Berlin six, Cairo seven, Katmandu nine and a quarter. Say what? I still don’t have the foggiest notion how people figured that out. What happened to the fifteen minutes plus, or forty-five minutes minus? Captured by the Marines? Did they lose their way and drop dead somewhere between here and Mount Everest? Nine and a quarter. Brilliant.
I still haven’t seen a person wear a watch around here. After my wife and I make an appointment for the cable guys to hook us up, they arrive a little late… roughly twenty-two hours. Isn’t it nice if you don’t have to fear any competition? People commit to your terms, and if they don’t like it, let them watch the clothes spin in the dryer for entertainment. A monopoly is a wonderful thing. But don’t take my word for it. Ask Bill Gates. And yet, I guarantee you Gates and his cronies not only can tell time (in a couple dozen different languages, one for each time zone) but have found more ways to digitally manipulate it than anyone in the universe.
So people don’t have watches. No digital clocks either. No surprise there. Who wants to keep resetting their clocks after a blackout? What are people going to do to locate the one person in Katmandu who has a watch? Purchase airtime?
A Nepali here explained time to me like this: if you say three o’clock, then some people might show up at three-thirty, others at four. No harm, no foul. If people choose to be fashionably late, then they will show up, oh, the next day. Little wonder then, that the government here has the life expectancy of a bleeding seal swimming in a shark tank. What would the war counsel sound like?
Defense Minister: Our scouts have spotted the enemy crossing our borders. We must strike at once.
Prime Minister: Let’s discuss this in detail. Meeting adjourned. We shall convene at seven o’clock this evening.
Seven o’clock. The conference room is empty. The first cabinet members show up at four o’clock the next afternoon, followed by the PM, who finally appears at eight.
Prime Minister: Let’s hear it.
Defense Minister: Our troops have withdrawn to the capital. They are now defending the municipality.
Prime Minister: Yes, I see it’s serious. What to do?
Defense Minister: Buy a clock. Our very existence depends on punctuality from now on.
Prime Minister (to the head guard, pointing at the Defense Minister): Arrest this man for treason.
The Prime Minister of course won’t have to worry, since the invading troops are late themselves, assisted by late horses. Of course, the sun will rise and set late, and the Defense Minister will eventually be acquitted, since the judge and jury show up late for the trial. There will be no change of government, as people all show up late at the polls, and change will remain a mirage.
But there is hope! I just witnessed a watch sighting! Now the question is, does it work?
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