The Kathmandu Marathon
This past weekend was the second running of the Kathmandu International Marathon. The deadline for registering was one week ago, and I cursed like a Joe Pesci character in a Martin Scorsese film after I learned I had missed it by a couple of days.
Remember the people who tell you they missed their ride on the Titanic? Those who missed their flight on the last Concord? Or those who decided to return their tickets and sit at home rather than suffer through another Detroit Lions game? That is akin to manifest destination, and I hit the jackpot for not running. There is a good reason that it’s taken until the 21st century for the marathon to catch up to Kathmandu. I shall name only a few.
1. The Streets
Some cities have dark tar patches plastering their streets. Others have potholes. Kathmandu has craters. It has so many of them, I keep expecting one of these craters to erupt, or I am always on the lookout for a Space Shuttle on the horizon to investigate these phenomena. I have seen women wash their dishes in them, kids merrily jump in their puddles after a fresh rainfall, and mothers actually bathe their kids in them. Now imagine what the runner must do to dodge them. When all is said and done, we are not talking about a 42 km marathon, but a 42 km steeple chase. To top it off, traffic isn't even restricted on that day. And to think that every runner who registered actually paid for the chance of getting mowed down by a motorcycle after inhaling its fumes.
2. Security
Do you know how the organizers of marathons will neatly seal off the streets, string ropes between the street and sidewalk, and place guards at intervals to ensure the runners’ safety? Common sense, right? The problem is, common sense is highly overrated in Kathmandu. During the marathon, traffic is as routine as seeing a frozen corpse on your way up Mount Everest. Here you see joggers running with their numbers pinned to their chests, followed by cars and motorcycles impatiently nipping at their heels, not to mention thousands of dogs. Nice going, Head of Security, wherever you are and if you even exist. I have an idea: what if we do things like the Nepalis? What if we just held the Olympic Trials there? People can broad jump or pole vault over the craters. What if we tear down those pesky fences separating soccer hooligans from the field to make for a more intimate atmosphere? Better yet, what if we just allow every rat to run in the next New York City Marathon? Would give a new meaning to the term rat race, wouldn’t it? I do have to admit that if security here continues to be the non-entity it is, then you can't deny its entertainment potential. People will be thinking Kathmandu instead of Pamplona.
Tourist 1: I went to Pamplona this summer. Six bulls chased me through a narrow alley.
Tourist: Jolly good. But I went to Kathmandu. I had a million cars chasing me.
Then there are the sidewalks, for the few blocks they actually exist. There is nothing to stop pedestrians from crossing the street at any time, either. Caveat cursor.
3. Water stops
Quite a few runners I talked to later at Phora told me there were virtually no water stops at all. The good news to the organizers is that that nice little stunt saved them a few rupees. The bad news, of course, might be hundreds of dehydrated runners lapping water from the street craters to save their lives. Not to mention the possibility that the Third Kathmandu International Marathon might have fewer participants than the Victory Party planned by the U.S. Green Party for their presidential candidate after Election Day.
4. Publicity
I am aware that resources are scarce in this country, but do the organizers think that it might be a good idea to spring a few rupees for, gee, I don’t know…maybe leaflets? Airtime on the radio or TV? How about just sending a guy with a megaphone through the neighborhoods to announce this grand event? None of the locals I talked to before last Saturday knew there was a marathon going on. They looked at me in total disbelief, shaking their heads, almost offended, as if I had just offered them a hamburger. The grand majority of this city never knew this event ever happened. But that's all right, because neither did the rest of the world.
5. Pollution
Sorry, but this is just not the place for a marathon, least of all right here in the Kathmandu Valley. This is akin to asking Michael Phelps to swim in the East River for the next trials. The dust in this city has made me sneeze so frequently that people think I am the second coming of Ganesha the elephant goddess.
And oh, has anybody in this town ever heard of sponsors? Helps a lot with attracting athletes, or so I've heard. That way, they can actually drink water. They could run wearing gasmasks, so emphysema does not have to strike them in their prime after exercising.
No, not quite a marathon yet, folks. But at least you’ve given this foreigner something to write about.
Remember the people who tell you they missed their ride on the Titanic? Those who missed their flight on the last Concord? Or those who decided to return their tickets and sit at home rather than suffer through another Detroit Lions game? That is akin to manifest destination, and I hit the jackpot for not running. There is a good reason that it’s taken until the 21st century for the marathon to catch up to Kathmandu. I shall name only a few.
1. The Streets
Some cities have dark tar patches plastering their streets. Others have potholes. Kathmandu has craters. It has so many of them, I keep expecting one of these craters to erupt, or I am always on the lookout for a Space Shuttle on the horizon to investigate these phenomena. I have seen women wash their dishes in them, kids merrily jump in their puddles after a fresh rainfall, and mothers actually bathe their kids in them. Now imagine what the runner must do to dodge them. When all is said and done, we are not talking about a 42 km marathon, but a 42 km steeple chase. To top it off, traffic isn't even restricted on that day. And to think that every runner who registered actually paid for the chance of getting mowed down by a motorcycle after inhaling its fumes.
2. Security
Do you know how the organizers of marathons will neatly seal off the streets, string ropes between the street and sidewalk, and place guards at intervals to ensure the runners’ safety? Common sense, right? The problem is, common sense is highly overrated in Kathmandu. During the marathon, traffic is as routine as seeing a frozen corpse on your way up Mount Everest. Here you see joggers running with their numbers pinned to their chests, followed by cars and motorcycles impatiently nipping at their heels, not to mention thousands of dogs. Nice going, Head of Security, wherever you are and if you even exist. I have an idea: what if we do things like the Nepalis? What if we just held the Olympic Trials there? People can broad jump or pole vault over the craters. What if we tear down those pesky fences separating soccer hooligans from the field to make for a more intimate atmosphere? Better yet, what if we just allow every rat to run in the next New York City Marathon? Would give a new meaning to the term rat race, wouldn’t it? I do have to admit that if security here continues to be the non-entity it is, then you can't deny its entertainment potential. People will be thinking Kathmandu instead of Pamplona.
Tourist 1: I went to Pamplona this summer. Six bulls chased me through a narrow alley.
Tourist: Jolly good. But I went to Kathmandu. I had a million cars chasing me.
Then there are the sidewalks, for the few blocks they actually exist. There is nothing to stop pedestrians from crossing the street at any time, either. Caveat cursor.
3. Water stops
Quite a few runners I talked to later at Phora told me there were virtually no water stops at all. The good news to the organizers is that that nice little stunt saved them a few rupees. The bad news, of course, might be hundreds of dehydrated runners lapping water from the street craters to save their lives. Not to mention the possibility that the Third Kathmandu International Marathon might have fewer participants than the Victory Party planned by the U.S. Green Party for their presidential candidate after Election Day.
4. Publicity
I am aware that resources are scarce in this country, but do the organizers think that it might be a good idea to spring a few rupees for, gee, I don’t know…maybe leaflets? Airtime on the radio or TV? How about just sending a guy with a megaphone through the neighborhoods to announce this grand event? None of the locals I talked to before last Saturday knew there was a marathon going on. They looked at me in total disbelief, shaking their heads, almost offended, as if I had just offered them a hamburger. The grand majority of this city never knew this event ever happened. But that's all right, because neither did the rest of the world.
5. Pollution
Sorry, but this is just not the place for a marathon, least of all right here in the Kathmandu Valley. This is akin to asking Michael Phelps to swim in the East River for the next trials. The dust in this city has made me sneeze so frequently that people think I am the second coming of Ganesha the elephant goddess.
And oh, has anybody in this town ever heard of sponsors? Helps a lot with attracting athletes, or so I've heard. That way, they can actually drink water. They could run wearing gasmasks, so emphysema does not have to strike them in their prime after exercising.
No, not quite a marathon yet, folks. But at least you’ve given this foreigner something to write about.
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