The Human and the Hindu Body
While human beings have proven to have different cultures, religions, and animals they throw into the pot, it is always comforting to know that with all of our differences, we are still human beings and can boast similar physical features, regardless of what continent we hail from. For example, I doubt very much people would visit Nepal if certain people here had four arms (like several featured gods) or spoke through two mouths, one featuring two thousand razor sharp teeth that could finish off a mutton chop quicker than a chainsaw going through wood, and one with three tongues. Good to know that, while we may differ in size and color, we still can agree what the universal human body looks like, with the possible exception of the natives of Chernobyl.
It starts with the head. The dome is to be respected at all costs. You are not to touch the head of anyone in Nepal. Does this include kissing, I am thinking. How would they do that then, strictly through cyber sex? Also, does that mean you don’t slap your kid up the head or pull his ear? What do you do instead, kick him in the groin area, thus immediately upgrading him from alto to soprano in the local boys choir? How do you cut a person’s hair, with a weed whacker? I also hear that you are never, ever to remove a man’s hat. Fair enough, I guess, except that westerners can’t relate to that, since we’ve stopped wearing hats, oh, about a half a century ago.
I have already mentioned the importance of the right hand vs. left hand in this culture, but what is equally as awkward is the status of the feet. Feet here have the status your rear end will have in the west, simply because of its geography in the human body. The feet are closest to ’juto’, or what is impure. Here, you never touch people with your feet, so disregard that suggestion about kicking your kid in the package. You never step over people either, but around them. And that situation arises...when? During naps at kindergarten? Sex orgies? I'm a little confused here. You are never to point your feet at anybody. I am guessing - hoping, really - that this only applies when you’re sitting. How funny would that look if people had to chat with each other while facing away from their respective partner? How do people hug without pointing their feet at each other? Does a foot masseuse wear gloves and a gas mask with a built-in barf bag when she does her job? What happens when you break a foot? Do you get the old hacksaw treatment from the doctor?
You are positively never to stand in front of a person while he eats. As that person will more than likely be sitting on the floor, your ass, pardon, I mean your feet will be level with his dish. Also, for Senator Larry Craig and others so well versed in the art of foot language, you must never tap another person’s feet with your own. That is considered as rude and as disgusting as challenging your buddy to a cockroach speed-eating contest. If there is such a thing as reincarnation, the worst you can probably expect is to come back as a rug or maybe a soccer ball.
People are also quick to comment on your physical appearance, which can go both ways. ‘You’re so tall’ is an obvious comment people from the west will receive here, although I have already heard that so often I am now expecting these little Nepalis to call me Gulliver and tie me down.
Bad appearances will also prompt bad comments. ‘You are big’ is a polite way of saying, ‘Please tell me you didn’t get so fat by devouring your siblings when you were a kid’. This seems like a delicate issue to me. I mean, can I say, ‘You are short’ to every Nepali? Should I hang a sign around my neck that says, ’I’m up here’? How about, ’I reserve the right to avoid conversation with any person under five foot five and one hundred pounds‘ or ’Big Chinese do it better’?
I think I will need a little more guidance here, or public executions minus those pesky judges and habeas corpus rules might be re-introduced here more quickly than saying ’Hindi honai’ (I am not a Hindi). Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to be that rude. I just want to know how to get away with it.
It starts with the head. The dome is to be respected at all costs. You are not to touch the head of anyone in Nepal. Does this include kissing, I am thinking. How would they do that then, strictly through cyber sex? Also, does that mean you don’t slap your kid up the head or pull his ear? What do you do instead, kick him in the groin area, thus immediately upgrading him from alto to soprano in the local boys choir? How do you cut a person’s hair, with a weed whacker? I also hear that you are never, ever to remove a man’s hat. Fair enough, I guess, except that westerners can’t relate to that, since we’ve stopped wearing hats, oh, about a half a century ago.
I have already mentioned the importance of the right hand vs. left hand in this culture, but what is equally as awkward is the status of the feet. Feet here have the status your rear end will have in the west, simply because of its geography in the human body. The feet are closest to ’juto’, or what is impure. Here, you never touch people with your feet, so disregard that suggestion about kicking your kid in the package. You never step over people either, but around them. And that situation arises...when? During naps at kindergarten? Sex orgies? I'm a little confused here. You are never to point your feet at anybody. I am guessing - hoping, really - that this only applies when you’re sitting. How funny would that look if people had to chat with each other while facing away from their respective partner? How do people hug without pointing their feet at each other? Does a foot masseuse wear gloves and a gas mask with a built-in barf bag when she does her job? What happens when you break a foot? Do you get the old hacksaw treatment from the doctor?
You are positively never to stand in front of a person while he eats. As that person will more than likely be sitting on the floor, your ass, pardon, I mean your feet will be level with his dish. Also, for Senator Larry Craig and others so well versed in the art of foot language, you must never tap another person’s feet with your own. That is considered as rude and as disgusting as challenging your buddy to a cockroach speed-eating contest. If there is such a thing as reincarnation, the worst you can probably expect is to come back as a rug or maybe a soccer ball.
People are also quick to comment on your physical appearance, which can go both ways. ‘You’re so tall’ is an obvious comment people from the west will receive here, although I have already heard that so often I am now expecting these little Nepalis to call me Gulliver and tie me down.
Bad appearances will also prompt bad comments. ‘You are big’ is a polite way of saying, ‘Please tell me you didn’t get so fat by devouring your siblings when you were a kid’. This seems like a delicate issue to me. I mean, can I say, ‘You are short’ to every Nepali? Should I hang a sign around my neck that says, ’I’m up here’? How about, ’I reserve the right to avoid conversation with any person under five foot five and one hundred pounds‘ or ’Big Chinese do it better’?
I think I will need a little more guidance here, or public executions minus those pesky judges and habeas corpus rules might be re-introduced here more quickly than saying ’Hindi honai’ (I am not a Hindi). Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to be that rude. I just want to know how to get away with it.
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