In the US and elsewhere, people know what 'justifiable homicide' means. Without consulting the legal world here, it is safe to say that at one time or another you wanted to kill a person for whatever stupid little habit of his that managed to grind your gears.
The guy with the loud ringtone? Blam. Bury him. The guy with the glaringly loud sound system in his car who just happened to stop in front of your house? You wished you could call in the Air Force and drop a mother bomb on him, didn't you? The guy in the plane tipping his chair back so that he can rest his ass on your knees? Throw him off the plane without a parachute.
Anybody I know can recite his/her own list of annoyances that would call for capital punishment without a judge or jury. I do, too. Now here is the one I have compiled specifically for Jordanians. Beware, a lot of these involve driving. Here is my TOP 10:
1. As you approach a pedestrian on the street in your car, you slow down. But so does he.
No, this is not about him being cautious or yielding to oncoming traffic. He does that in front of your car. You almost expect him to take a seat on your hood and break out a bottle of beer, for good measure. In this case, I say run him over, kick the car into reverse, and repeat.
2. Honking.
Again, I am not talking about using the horn in traffic. You would be risking your own life if you didn't use it here from time to time. A honk is nothing more than a warning that is used by everybody in the world. Now, about that three hundred pound tub of lard sitting in his car honking twenty times in a quiet residential neighborhood to let somebody know that his fat ass has arrived... that's an automatic death penalty. Don't need to bother the police with disturbing the peace on this one. For every honk the guy should receive one lash. Finally, the coup de grace would be carried out by his own car. What makes this s*&%head believe that the person is still there or responsive after the twentieth honk?
3. Blocking a driveway.
Blam. Blam. And boom with some artillery. You mean that person doesn't see that car parked inside there? Oh yeah, he says, I saw the car parked in there. I thought he was on vacation. I say grant this guy a permanent vacation. Off with his head.
4. A slow car in the fast lane
Could happen anywhere in the world, I admit. The guy allegedly has a rearview mirror, doesn't he? What does he think all of those cars are doing behind him, lining up for a funeral procession? Here every car should gang up on him and drive him off the road. A hand grenade wouldn't hurt here either.
5. On a two-lane highway, there is a car using the half of each lane.
I couldn't make this up if I tried. You mean the guy doesn't know what that broken line in the middle of the road is for? I guess that means he doesn't know what stop signs or traffic lights are for either. In this case, he should be tied and gagged and left in the middle of the road, preferably on a highway frequented by trucks, or a runway by planes.
6. Yelling twenty times at someone.
See 'honking'. Again, if the guy didn't hear you the first time (Ahmed! Ahmed! Ahmed! Ahmed...), I don't think twenty times will have much of an effect. The guillotine would be appropriate for the yeller...and Ahmed if he indeed was there.
7. Taking a phone call in the middle of business.
Believe it or not, here I am talking about a dentist. Yep. While he was cleaning my teeth. While I might spare his life, I would definitely work on his teeth for retribution.
8. Littering
So there's a guy walking down the road. He's just finished off his coke and whoopee! tosses it to the side. Who does he think will clean that up? The taxes he doesn't pay? The city's superior sanitary staff? Allah? His mother? Boot to the head here followed by a bullet to same.
9. The expression 'wait ten minutes please'.
No, you *#&;@+ oaf, I will not wait even another ten seconds. But I will fire ten mortars into your house and then let your entire family wait ten years until they can bury your charred remains if I hear that again.
10. Rock throwing kids
Again, not necessarily a Jordanian phenomenon, but punishable nonetheless. What are the kids thinking? Hm, I wonder if these are as much fun as the water balloons? They certainly look faster. I love rocks. I love anything that costs nothing. Here a rock followed by a one hundred pound boulder hurled back at the kids seems perfectly appropriate to me.
Just because I no longer reside in the US doesn't mean people have ceased being people. Sometimes I just wonder if gun control should be abolished here. Even if it isn't, it doesn't cost a minute in jail to mentally murder at will.
The guy with the loud ringtone? Blam. Bury him. The guy with the glaringly loud sound system in his car who just happened to stop in front of your house? You wished you could call in the Air Force and drop a mother bomb on him, didn't you? The guy in the plane tipping his chair back so that he can rest his ass on your knees? Throw him off the plane without a parachute.
Anybody I know can recite his/her own list of annoyances that would call for capital punishment without a judge or jury. I do, too. Now here is the one I have compiled specifically for Jordanians. Beware, a lot of these involve driving. Here is my TOP 10:
1. As you approach a pedestrian on the street in your car, you slow down. But so does he.
No, this is not about him being cautious or yielding to oncoming traffic. He does that in front of your car. You almost expect him to take a seat on your hood and break out a bottle of beer, for good measure. In this case, I say run him over, kick the car into reverse, and repeat.
2. Honking.
Again, I am not talking about using the horn in traffic. You would be risking your own life if you didn't use it here from time to time. A honk is nothing more than a warning that is used by everybody in the world. Now, about that three hundred pound tub of lard sitting in his car honking twenty times in a quiet residential neighborhood to let somebody know that his fat ass has arrived... that's an automatic death penalty. Don't need to bother the police with disturbing the peace on this one. For every honk the guy should receive one lash. Finally, the coup de grace would be carried out by his own car. What makes this s*&%head believe that the person is still there or responsive after the twentieth honk?
3. Blocking a driveway.
Blam. Blam. And boom with some artillery. You mean that person doesn't see that car parked inside there? Oh yeah, he says, I saw the car parked in there. I thought he was on vacation. I say grant this guy a permanent vacation. Off with his head.
4. A slow car in the fast lane
Could happen anywhere in the world, I admit. The guy allegedly has a rearview mirror, doesn't he? What does he think all of those cars are doing behind him, lining up for a funeral procession? Here every car should gang up on him and drive him off the road. A hand grenade wouldn't hurt here either.
5. On a two-lane highway, there is a car using the half of each lane.
I couldn't make this up if I tried. You mean the guy doesn't know what that broken line in the middle of the road is for? I guess that means he doesn't know what stop signs or traffic lights are for either. In this case, he should be tied and gagged and left in the middle of the road, preferably on a highway frequented by trucks, or a runway by planes.
6. Yelling twenty times at someone.
See 'honking'. Again, if the guy didn't hear you the first time (Ahmed! Ahmed! Ahmed! Ahmed...), I don't think twenty times will have much of an effect. The guillotine would be appropriate for the yeller...and Ahmed if he indeed was there.
7. Taking a phone call in the middle of business.
Believe it or not, here I am talking about a dentist. Yep. While he was cleaning my teeth. While I might spare his life, I would definitely work on his teeth for retribution.
8. Littering
So there's a guy walking down the road. He's just finished off his coke and whoopee! tosses it to the side. Who does he think will clean that up? The taxes he doesn't pay? The city's superior sanitary staff? Allah? His mother? Boot to the head here followed by a bullet to same.
9. The expression 'wait ten minutes please'.
No, you *#&;@+ oaf, I will not wait even another ten seconds. But I will fire ten mortars into your house and then let your entire family wait ten years until they can bury your charred remains if I hear that again.
10. Rock throwing kids
Again, not necessarily a Jordanian phenomenon, but punishable nonetheless. What are the kids thinking? Hm, I wonder if these are as much fun as the water balloons? They certainly look faster. I love rocks. I love anything that costs nothing. Here a rock followed by a one hundred pound boulder hurled back at the kids seems perfectly appropriate to me.
Just because I no longer reside in the US doesn't mean people have ceased being people. Sometimes I just wonder if gun control should be abolished here. Even if it isn't, it doesn't cost a minute in jail to mentally murder at will.
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