Democrats vs Republicans
Too bad the presidential candidates can’t wrestle for the right to attain their respective tickets or at least revive the duel a la Burr vs. Hamilton. That would send ratings through the roof quicker than if American Idol and Survivor were to join forces (I don’t know what that would look like…would you have somebody singing a Barry Manilow song while dangling over a gator-infested lake?). Instead, we’re up for the same nauseating lip-syncing lie festival we are treated to every four years.
You can spare me the part about how things are different. Sure they are, on the face of things. You will have either a woman or an Afro-American running for the arguably highest and most powerful office on the planet. But here I like to quote another President, Abe Lincoln:
How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
While Hillary and Obama like to pawn themselves off as agents for change, the truth is that this is just another gob of spit and muck in the face of the American electorate. Change? Beg your pardon? Hillary? She was on the board of Wal-Mart. Compare that to Condi’s glamorous stint with oil giant Chevron. How does a formal meeting play itself out between Hillary and Wal-Mart?
Wal-Mart: Long time, no see.
Hillary: Spare me the foreplay. I am going to introduce a higher minimum wage and a Universal Healthcare program. In other words, keep your money in your pockets. I am no longer for sale.
Wal-Mart: But you are our long lost son!
Hillary: Daughter.
Wal-Mart: No, we mean son.
Hillary: Shove it. Don’t you read the papers? I’m an agent for change.
And before this conversation ever takes place, I will be a flight teacher for bats.
The Republicans, of course, are an even sorrier lot. These are the real agents for change, meaning a travel back in time to the glory years of the 1890’s. Here’s one old, white, rich, fat male running against another. Sound familiar? No wonder, it’s only what’s been happening in almost every campaign since George Washington. McCain is cute, the way he is courting the right wing whackos.
With the Republicans you know what you are going to get: record deficits their grandchildren will get to pay off one day, war, the obligatory ten commandments tattoo on every arm, and plenty of guns, so we can show the rest of the world that we not only spawn the most movies but the most shooting rampages. The Republican is a weird breed. He (or she, but mostly he) will wreck this country from top to bottom and expect you to thank him for it. The Republican is the batter that will send that soft pitch from Charlie Brown right back up the gut, obliterating the pitcher and violently undressing him in the process. In short, it’s a rape in the process. The Republican will squeal the loudest, while their fingers are involved in gay sex, child pornography, and bribery. Voting for them used to be irresponsible. Now it is downright criminal.
The Democrat is a teaser. The Democrat is Lucy holding the football waiting for Charlie Brown to kick it. Of course, Charlie Brown will always land on his back in the end. And I don’t think it’s any different this time around. Where was Congress when it needed to stand up to the unelected fraud in the White House? Pulling down their pants and grabbing their ankles, that’s what.
Obama and Clinton were every bit as guilty as the other wimps in surrendering their power, not to mention the US Constitution to a guy who is dumber than a clay pigeon. Do you think I will buy what they have to sell now?
We need to think outside the box. We need to think outside the two party system, the sooner the better. If I’m Charlie Brown I will just throw beanballs at that batter, or even better, live grenades. And if I am zeroing in on that football Lucy is holding, I will change course and aim directly for her head.
You can spare me the part about how things are different. Sure they are, on the face of things. You will have either a woman or an Afro-American running for the arguably highest and most powerful office on the planet. But here I like to quote another President, Abe Lincoln:
How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
While Hillary and Obama like to pawn themselves off as agents for change, the truth is that this is just another gob of spit and muck in the face of the American electorate. Change? Beg your pardon? Hillary? She was on the board of Wal-Mart. Compare that to Condi’s glamorous stint with oil giant Chevron. How does a formal meeting play itself out between Hillary and Wal-Mart?
Wal-Mart: Long time, no see.
Hillary: Spare me the foreplay. I am going to introduce a higher minimum wage and a Universal Healthcare program. In other words, keep your money in your pockets. I am no longer for sale.
Wal-Mart: But you are our long lost son!
Hillary: Daughter.
Wal-Mart: No, we mean son.
Hillary: Shove it. Don’t you read the papers? I’m an agent for change.
And before this conversation ever takes place, I will be a flight teacher for bats.
The Republicans, of course, are an even sorrier lot. These are the real agents for change, meaning a travel back in time to the glory years of the 1890’s. Here’s one old, white, rich, fat male running against another. Sound familiar? No wonder, it’s only what’s been happening in almost every campaign since George Washington. McCain is cute, the way he is courting the right wing whackos.
With the Republicans you know what you are going to get: record deficits their grandchildren will get to pay off one day, war, the obligatory ten commandments tattoo on every arm, and plenty of guns, so we can show the rest of the world that we not only spawn the most movies but the most shooting rampages. The Republican is a weird breed. He (or she, but mostly he) will wreck this country from top to bottom and expect you to thank him for it. The Republican is the batter that will send that soft pitch from Charlie Brown right back up the gut, obliterating the pitcher and violently undressing him in the process. In short, it’s a rape in the process. The Republican will squeal the loudest, while their fingers are involved in gay sex, child pornography, and bribery. Voting for them used to be irresponsible. Now it is downright criminal.
The Democrat is a teaser. The Democrat is Lucy holding the football waiting for Charlie Brown to kick it. Of course, Charlie Brown will always land on his back in the end. And I don’t think it’s any different this time around. Where was Congress when it needed to stand up to the unelected fraud in the White House? Pulling down their pants and grabbing their ankles, that’s what.
Obama and Clinton were every bit as guilty as the other wimps in surrendering their power, not to mention the US Constitution to a guy who is dumber than a clay pigeon. Do you think I will buy what they have to sell now?
We need to think outside the box. We need to think outside the two party system, the sooner the better. If I’m Charlie Brown I will just throw beanballs at that batter, or even better, live grenades. And if I am zeroing in on that football Lucy is holding, I will change course and aim directly for her head.
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