Satan's Spawn...German Bureaucrats
Somewhere I read that Heaven in Europe is where...
the English are the policemen
the French are the cooks
the Germans are the mechanics
the Italians are the lovers
and the Swiss organize everything.
On the other hand, Hell in Europe is where...
the German are the policemen
the English are the cooks
the French are the mechanics
the Swiss are the lovers
and the Italians organize everything.
I have no idea how somebody came up with all of this, let alone with the German policeman representing hell. Heck, German cops are the friendliest, most civil people in the world. But heck, we can now argue and toss stereotypes around until the cows come home or go to hell themselves, and it won't make a dent...which is why I will toss in another one, for good measure. That would be the German civil servant, or bureaucrat, arguably the very embodiment of hell.
If there is such a thing as hell, I am convinced that a German civil servant is right there waiting for you demanding three different forms of ID signed in unicorn blood...which you won't have, of course. Well, Worldchump, you're thinking. That sounds like a fine bargain, because wouldn't that mean that my admission to hell would be denied? Maybe so, but the German civil servant controls the reception area which is just as piping hot, owing to the fact that Germans don't believe in air conditioning.
The German civil servant, the ultimate bureaucrat, is absolutely merciless. No exceptions, no derivations, just strict by-the-book standard operating procedures that you will adhere to, otherwise you will get to come back another day (most likely another month or year), where you will be treated to the same cycle that repeats itself until you die and find yourself in hell...where that same guy will be the receptionist, as reported above.
The jokes about German civil servants (aka government employees aka Beamter, which, technically, also includes policemen), even here in Germany, are endless. There's the guy with his huge stack of papers (which he will eventually need to keep feeding the furnace in hell); the law book with all of the paragraphs that he has memorized better than you did your favorite pop song; and the dreaded stamp or seal that will determine what happens to you. Don't be fooled by the small size of that stamp. That thing comes down like a sledgehammer.
The facial expression of a Beamter is second to none, but let's just say this: if a poker champion were to play a Beamter, he will win on the merit of his cards and his cards alone. Reading hieroglyphics is a snap compared to trying to read a Beamter's thoughts. I have seen perfectly stable people become undone by the German civil servant. If you don't have the Beamter's knowledge or argue with him about it, he'll fry you in a pan with no hell needed. Not only do you need to mind your p's and q's, but you can throw in every other letter of the alphabet in German, Latin, and Ancient Greek.
Having said that, I have never had any issues with them. I'm simply not the stressful type, because the stressful type mixes as well with the Beamter as oil and water...or heaven and hell.
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