Dull, Duller, Dulles
One of the running jokes in Germany—besides the
aforementioned Stuttgart 21 underground rail station in a previous post, of
course—is the new airport in Berlin Brandenburg.
This was supposed to be a state-of-the-art, futuristic,
engineering gem in a country that boasted so many of them. Of course, we now
know the rest of the story. Originally planned to open in 2010, the airport has
been throttled by delay after delay as a result of poor construction,
corrective work, and outright corruption. In addition, cost overruns have added
to this most blunderful embarrassment, while comedians are having a field day
with the alleged project. Kids can now have their own Berlin Brandenburg
Airport Lego kit complete with an indecipherable construction plan, workers who
are all thumbs, and supplementary kits to be added in the future at a
considerable extra cost.
But fear not, Berlin. Your airport doesn't even rate
nowadays in a world that is so full of incompetence and half-assed management
initiatives. There is already an airport in existence that puts Berlin Brandenburg
to shame before a single plane has lifted off or landed. Berlin, say hello to
your ugly (and equally incompetent) American cousin, Dulles International.
The funny thing is, Dulles International wasn't actually
made to handle passengers. It's hard to argue that point when you look at its
location. I still wonder what exactly the intent was. I still don't believe the
politicos honestly imagined it could replace what is now known as Ronald Reagan International
Airport. But hey, don't take my word for it. The honchos didn't even believe it
themselves.
For beginners, accessing Dulles is an adventure that will
rival whatever you have planned at your destination, should you be lucky enough
to get there. In a metropolitan area like DC, surely there would be adequate
public transportation to take you there. Not in the capital of the free world.
In fact, I still wonder how to get there by car,
let alone by airport shuttle. Forget about public transportation. Once you make
it to Dulles, you will grow body hair you never knew existed waiting to get on
a plane. Even so, once you are checked in and have gone through security, you
are still nowhere near the plane. And
all this despite over four billion dollars of supposed improvements in this still young century. A year ago, I
was scheduled to fly to Amsterdam from IAD (the code for Dulles). I still think
that the trip to Dulles International took longer than the overseas flight
itself.
And here I am only talking about departing flights. You see,
arriving passengers must receive their fair share of abuse as well. The lines
for customs look like Ellis Island re-opened. There are, in all, six lines one
to two hundred passengers deep, with ushers (allegedly) directing passenger traffic
in a language that might just pass off as English with the proper imagination. On
our most recent arrival, a customs officer, accompanied by a cuddly dog trained
to sniff out illegal imports, dug its nose into Liebi's backpack. The official
shuffled through Liebi's belongings and came up with two (gasp!) apples she had
kept in her backpack from the flight.
Yes, it is understood that produce or
food items are not permitted upon entry in the U.S. Why they would have us wait
an additional two hours to clear
customs is still a question best left answered by the (what might pass for)
authorities.
Way to go, Mirka. Because nothing says 'Welcome to the USA'
like a well-placed Obama speech on a big plasma screen followed by hours of
waiting in line. Glad you have this all figured out.
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