World Chump - Wanderlust

Okay, now that the kids got the first pick of Prague, it's time for the adults to get their culture dose in.

One thing I rarely do is hire tour guides. Most things I like or seek in a town or country are rarely the most popular sites. In Prague, for example, the one thing that fascinates me the most is that this is where "The Butcher of Prague," Reinhard Heydrich, aka the nastiest nazi and arguably person ever to walk the earth, found an inglorious end at the hand of two Czech nationals who had been trained by the British Secret Service. I wanted to see the place where it happened and the site of the standoff, or the church where it ended for the Czech patriots. Here I just imagined the place being surrounded by Nazis, like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid and their futile shootout with the federales. In Ireland, people like the Cliffs of Moher and the green hills while I am looking for the old battlefields of the Anglo-Irish war. The problem is, I am never on my own, so I need to compromise.

Enter, Sara, Prague's coolest tour guide. We meet at Wenceslas Square where millions of people demonstrated during the Velvet Revolution before the iron curtain fell and Czechs were allowed some say as to how they wished to spend their lives. Looking down the square out to the National Museum, I can see how they could fit all of those people in here. This is the stuff I like to see. The kids dignify this with a decisive zzzzzzz.

Next, we backtrack to where we were the day before, around the corner from the astronomical clock. We see church towers, sculptures, gorgeous buildings...and almost overlook the crosses we are literally standing on. This is Martyr Square, as I call it, or Old Town Square, where 27 Czechs met their untimely death in the name of the Habsburg Empire in 1911. Their names are etched in a nearby wall. Prague, as you would expect from any European metropolitan region, is not without its bloodshed. The kids' ears perk at hearing that somebody was actually beheaded here. But, alas. No Avengers, no interest.

Next, it's off to Paris Street, the Boardwalk of Prague in the Jewish Quarters. This is where the who's who of the town live. Asked just who the rich and famous in Prague are, Sara replies, "People who can afford it. Usually Russians and Chinese." You'll be pressed to find a native of Prague living here. We are brought to the most famous synagogue in Prague, and I count the cameras around it. Holy smoke, there is more surveillance here than at the Central Bank in Frankfurt where we live. We come across the familiar golden stepping stones in Prague, which we already know from German cities, and for the first time the boys show genuine interest. Sara says there are maybe 10,000 Jews left in Prague.

Arguably the most famous site outside of Prague Castle, the Charles Bridge, is saved for last. This is a pedestrian-only bridge with dozens of saints flanking the walkway. The boys might admire this on a photo one day and ask about it. As a teen and tween, though, they care as much about this tourist-heavy site as an algebra lesson.

We end up at Lennon Wall, the graffiti wall that revolutionaries used to spray messages in the not so good old days of communism pre-1989. Spoiler alert: despite his large image there, Lennon never visited the wall himself. This is one photo op I still can't resist, and this is where Sara and the rest of us part.

Liebi and I love Prague, we decide. The boys might brag one day that they were here. For now, Prague is one of many cities they have visited.

On our first day in Prague, we venture out on our own.

With the boys in tow, we need to get creative. Remember how I always wrote that playgrounds are the essential item in guaranteeing a stress-free family vacation, no matter where you are in the world. There's only one problem with that in the year 2020: One, I have a teenage son who can take or leave playgrounds (mostly leave them) and a soon-to-be 11-year-old who is too cool to be seen playing with kids who could be half his age. My little kids have evolved. That means we have a teen and a tween who mostly get their info from their smartphones. 

We'll need to start from the ground up here: so what do most families want to see when they get to Prague? The Castle tour, of course, plus the world's oldest astronomical clock, the Charles Bridge, the Old Town Square, etc. Well, the plan is to get in all of these sites, but here we need to water it down a little. Here the rich Czech beer will need to be thinned with water...or fruit punch, in this case, I guess.

From our place downtown, it's a 10-minute walk to the Old Town Square, where there happen to be most of the museums. Which ones? Well, that would be the Museum of Decorative Arts, the Jewish Museum, the Museum of Communism, the Kafka Museum, among many others. Clearly, the kids want to explore the latter, in this case, the "many others." The star attractions will just have to wait. Kafka? Museum of Decorative Arts? How about the Museum of zzzzzzzzzzz's?

Museum One is the Museum of Optical Illusion. Even to our pampered, 21st-century technological sensibilities, this is still a winner for parents as well. There are plenty of photo opportunities that are freely encouraged, and we end up with our kids pushing an 18th-century squire out of a window, being at the receiving end of what appears to be a meteor and our kids ending up with a 20-foot wingspan.

But we need to keep going here, keep slogging, there's no rest for the adults. How about a church? Sure, can I charge my smartphone there? Epic fail. So there's Madame Tussaud's wax cabinet, always a favorite for kids. Here a picture with Freddie Mercury, here one with Mozart, plus a great shot of Liebi with the Dalai Lama, a long-time hero of hers. 

Lunch, and now it's time to sprinkle in an adult site, which backfires spectacularly. Liebi and Bash opt for the Museum of Decorative Arts while Axl and I head to the Lego Museum, which is more up Axl's alley. On the way home, Axl tells me that each animated movie he'll direct in the future will feature one Green Day song. As long as that is settled.  

Bash later admits he should have gone to the Lego Museum. Too late, kid. Plus, tomorrow will be the adults' turn, with a tour guide, no less. You had your shot, kiddos. Pargue is ours next time.

For our first post-COVID trip, we decided against air travel, for obvious reasons. Here we wanted to minimize the risk as much as we could, although, on paper at least, the Czech Republic seems to have the pandemic under control, despite a recent spike in numbers.

For the record: the last time I visited the Czech Republic, the place was known as Czechoslovakia and it was still reeling from Communist rule in the early 1990s. Back then, I paid with German marks, which were a welcome addition to somebody's black market account. Today, there would be no such hanky panky, and I would be paying the going rate for each tourist and resident here alike.

The first thing I did was order a vignette or a car sticker via mail. The car sticker enables us to use all motorways in the Czech Republic, whether it's an autobahn or a country road. And there's the little reminder again of why travelers love Germany so much, especially those driving. No tolls...and no speed limit. Not here. You'll pay for the roads and respect them, which is why the max speed limit seemed to be 130 km/h, a rule many Czechs blissfully ignore, as I learn later.

The major reason I decided to travel to Prague at this time was that Liebi had never been there, plain and simple. Our time in Europe is winding down, and while I have enjoyed Europe for years while growing up here in the 1980s, Liebi wasn't so lucky. Add to the fact that Liebi was an art history major and our upcoming trip with Prague batting leadoff for a rather promising travel lineup makes perfect sense.

Coming from Germany, I notice how green and hilly the place is. Simply gorgeous, I'm thinking. Here and there a village, here a ruin, there a hayfield, everywhere lush forest. And all roads lead to Prague, as I already know. Then there's the currency. The Czechs decided to forego the Euro and keep the koruna, or the crown. A minor inconvenience.

The rolling green hills are eventually replaced by rolling trolleys in Prague. On some of the rails, there seem to be trolley jams. Three or four trolleys in a row, waiting for the traffic in downtown Prague to clear up. Between the trolleys are a few cars, but somehow the town makes this work.

One major advantage of  Prague is the fact that, while occupied during World War II, it never had to contend with daily bombing raids from the Royal Air Force or the Americans. A lot of old and original buildings, churches, and bridges are still intact, unlike German cities like Munich or Hamburg. 

For the first day in Prague, or what remains of it, we rest. There will be plenty of walking to do the next day, for now, it's put your feet up and enjoy a Budweiser...the Czech beer, of course.