World Chump - Wanderlust

There's a classic Bud Light commercial from 1999 you might remember. There are two guys, from the looks of things roommates, shopping at a supermarket. When the cashier rings up their purchases, they find out that they are short and will have to return one item. The choice is between the toilet paper and the Bud Light. With a heavy heart, the two guys keep the beer. When the cashier asks what bag they would like, paper or plastic, the guys emphatically demand, in unison, paper. 

Fast forward to the year 2020. What exactly did you think about when you read the headline? White gold? Polished gold? Gold with a white tint? Diamonds? Sugar, perhaps? 

Since Germany's lockdown, the media has applied this label to toilet paper. More than anything else, that is what Germans are terrified of running out of. It's not meat, not fruits or vegetables - although the produce sold these days leaves a little to be desired - and certainly not dairy products. It's toilet paper, preferably 100% recycled toilet paper. Chances are you will find a place to buy firearms or drugs more easily than getting ahold of the white gold. Knowing the Germans, though, they are probably hoarding a few months' supply in their basement. The media reported that last week, sales of toilet paper went down for the first time in a month. That's not so hard to believe when you consider there is none available.

Just for kicks, a German television show placed a pallet of toilet paper in a mom and pop's store near the Bahnhof in Germany and let the camera roll and save the results for its TV audience. The pallet, consisting of 50 packs of toilet paper of eight rolls each, sold out in 22 minutes. The good citizens of Germany couldn't believe their good fortune. 

The Germans call this act of hoarding "hamstern" or what a hamster or squirrel would do when they need to put more food in their mouths than is needed. Toilet paper tops the charts of coveted items in a German supermarket in the age of Corona. I doubt very much that anybody would pick any beer - and in Germany, the choices are as endless as they are good - over toilet paper these days. In fact, I think the one industry making a killing in Germany these days is the toilet paper industry. 

Not quite. Besides toilet paper, the sale of soap and other disinfectants is up 300%. Under food items, you will rarely find a bag of rice or dry foods like beans or lentils. If Germans didn't have a plan B before, they have one now. 

Oh, I also forgot to mention: the sale of bidets is also through the roof these days. 

Okay, here we go again. COVID-19.

I apologize here in advance if this is not what you want to read when you visit this blog. And believe me, I would much rather write about the south of Spain or the Austrian Alps. The trouble is, I honestly don't know when I will embark on another trip here in Europe. Even if I had the choice now, how exciting would these countries be with their empty streets? I don't think I've ever envisioned Paris or Barcelona as ghost cities.

Ever since I started this post in 2007, I have written about tourist attractions like the Taj Mahal but also about the smog-filled Kathmandu Valley. There have been posts about elections, protests, pollution, corruption and many other hardships that countries have had to endure. I would have never dreamed that I would write about something as ominous and existential as a virus and how it's traveled the world more quickly and deadly than any stealth bomber. COVID-19 is a fact of life, and it is one we need to overcome, no matter which country we live in.

With all of that said, here is the stat sheet for Germany. 97,000 cases, 1,400 dead, 26,000 cured. That means there is still a net group of about 70,000 Germans currently carrying the virus. That is phenomenal for a country with a population of almost 83 million people, all crammed into an area roughly the size of New Mexico. Simply put, Germany has risen to the occasion. They quickly diagnosed the problem, and Merkel quickly met with the minister presidents of each state to implement any necessary measures. The Germans are certainly not happy about it, but the are all on the same page.

Germany has reported that half of all emergency beds are still vacant. I was expecting a spike in numbers once the weather turned, but that hasn't happened yet. If you looked outside today, the parks in Frankfurt were full, yet the Germans maintained the social distance protocol as if every citizen was equipped with personal radar.

By comparison, these are the current numbers in other European countries: 125,000 cases and 15,000 deaths in Italy, 125,000 and 11,000 in Spain, 68,000 and 7,500 in France, 42,000 and 4,300 in the U.K., 16,600 and 1,600 in the Netherlands, the list goes on and on. I have no idea why the death rate is so low in Germany, I wish it were as easy as explaining that it is related to age, obesity, etc. In fact, Germany has actually accepted cases from other countries and has used the Luftwaffe (Air Force) to fly them in.

Unfortunately, there is no cure we are aware of, so people can expect to keep their distance indefinitely. The economy in Germany will take a thorough beating as well. And my kids are still at home doing online classes. The question remains just what happens next. That is a prediction nobody can make. The priority for Germany is to flatten the curve. There's a good chance that might happen very soon.